My random, sometimes insightful thoughts on life, God, family, and everything else

Charm is deceptive…

“Charm is deceptive…but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Prov 31:30

I want to start by saying I am no male chauvinist!  I have three sisters, two beautiful daughters, and an amazing wife.  I believe that women are incredible and except for the role of Senior Pastor within a local church can be used by God any way He sees fit.

However, I have noticed in almost 20 years of ministry and an equal amount of time growing up in a pastor’s home, that there is a type of woman who is incredibly destructive, the charming/deceptive Woman.

Now, she doesn’t wear a t-shirt saying she’s dangerous, but she should.  In fact, most people don’t even see her as dangerous, they see her as sweet, kind, and considerate; but nothing could be further from the truth.  This type of woman uses her charm to gain access to information and to gain favor so that she can later leverage them for information or for her benefit.

Allow me to help you uncover this dangerous woman:

  • She comes off as very sweet, charming, and innocent.
  • She’s NEVER offended by anything, but she ALWAYS seems to know the people who are.
  • She seems to know everything that’s going on in everyone’s lives.
  • She is constantly having lunches, coffee, and meetings with other ladies.
  • She rarely says anything blatantly wrong, but she often makes snide comments and derogatory statements.
  • She doesn’t like anyone giving her rules or guidelines (now she doesn’t buck them directly, she just complains to all of her friends about how stupid or silly they are).
  • She sees herself as a “mediator”, simply another way of gaining more information.
  • She sees a legitimate need, tells no-one about it, answers the need herself, then complains about how no one (except herself of course) is doing anything about it.
  • She is often seen after services or during functions off to the side having a “conversation” with one or two other ladies.

I’m sure we could add more to this list but this should give you some good warning signs if you have someone like this in your life.  If you do, you must immediately cut yourself off!  Here’s why,

  • A woman who will tell you about others and their problems will tell others about you and your problems.
  • A woman who can’t follow leadership is only in it for herself, you’ll become collateral damage.
  • A woman who puts down or is negative about the authority over her, will tear you apart if you ever try to confront her with any kind of wrong she’s doing.


Now, contrast that with the woman who “Fears” the Lord.  First, the word fear, as it is used here, means to have incredible respect, honor, and a healthy understanding of what God is capable of.  In other words, this is a lady that puts God, his agenda, and knowledge of what he can do ahead of her own desires.

  • She doesn’t attempt to manipulate a situation to her advantage, she knows that God is her advantage.
  • She doesn’t try to get the juicy details, she trusts that God will take care of what she doesn’t know.
  • She willingly and joyfully submits to her authorities because she knows that they are there to protect her, and when she bucks them she is bucking God.
  • She knows the destructive nature of the tongue and the anger that God has for those that cause division, and puts massive guardrails around her life to keep her from straying down that path.

This woman God praises, lifts up, exalts, and gives greater honor.

If I were a woman I know who I would hang around!

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